I know the hurt of fertility issues because I am going through them right now. I have gone to doctors appointments, ultrasounds, started medications, and started using a tracking method all trying to help my husband and I get pregnant with no lucky yet (YET!). I know that hurt of looking at a negative pregnancy test month after month and I know the pain of watching other parents with their kids throwing a fit in the middle of Target and just praying that God would give me the opportunity to experience it because I just know that I can be a good mother. It hurts, it hurts even writing about it. Then getting on Facebook and seeing article after article of people abusing their children or abandoning their infant in a dumpster and not understanding why they got picked to be that child's parent. It just doesn't make sense. I still don't understand why there are so many people out there who take advantage of the "parent" job just to be a shitty parent, when there are SO many people out there just longing to love a child. It's truly heartbreaking. Humans can be so incredibly cruel.
But I can tell you that there is light at the end of that dark tunnel... or maybe a silver lining? Either way, there is light!
Three weekends ago, I was doing weekly ultrasounds to make sure I was ovulating and it was time to do the deed! I was so close to ovulation that we were told to get it on every day and even twice a day! Hahaha!! Trust me, I died of embarrassment. Well, time comes and nothing. There was just too much stress too much pressure and it just wasn't happening for us. It was a VERY emotional weekend for my husband and I both. We got the job done once that whole weekend. Now, normally that would be fine because it only takes one shot, but my husband is diabetic and there are a lot of things that can affect our chances of getting pregnant because of his diabetes. If his diet or meds are off then that goes against us. We just happen to be having his 30th birthday party that weekend so his diet was poor AND in the midst of the party and all the people at our house, he forgot to take his meds. Double Whammy! So needless to say, we did NOT get the job done that weekend. We were both heartbroken, yet still had hope, and I truly believe God showed us a sign that it was going to happen soon!
Ian and I went to Coney Island for dinner one night. Before he went in I asked him to get me a bottle of Coke (they sell Coke in the glass bottles and I love getting them when we go). He came back out very excited to tell me, "I asked the guy for a Coke and he reached in the fridge and randomly pulled out this!" So ya know those Coke bottles with everyone's name on it? Yea, well this one said it, in big white letters, just for me, M-O-M, Mom! I was so shocked I started laughing and told Ian, "I asked God to give me sign!" I guess I got it! That weekend we were supposed to do a pregnancy test and I ended up starting my period. Once again heartbroken, and starting to believe that Coke bottle message was just a coincidence, we went on knowing we would be able to try again soon.
A social worker was calling because she had 2 boys that needed to be placed immediately. She gave us their information over voice mail and asked us to call her back if we were possibly interested. I immediately called Ian to listen to the voice mail and call her back. So, he did and got back to me with even more of their information. We talked about it and decided that we wanted to go forward with taking these children. We had the option to just take the youngest boy, but we just didn't have the heart to split up brothers. So the very next day at 12:30 in the afternoon our first angel was brought to us! We are beyond thrilled to have him with us and he warmed up so fast! We will be getting our other little angel this week! We have met him and are so excited to be their parents. We do still have some legal hurdles to go through, but if all goes in our favor our little boys will legally be ours by the end of the year! We also were able to meet the boys very first foster mother and she is an incredible woman! We are so excited to have her be apart of our family and want to keep her in our babies lives. She did such an amazing job preparing our Littles. We are so blessed!
This weekend has been so crazy that I have been forgetting what day it is, that I have a job, and that I have responsibilities because I am just trying to settling into this new role and life! We are Mommy and Daddy now, and it's just so hard to believe that it all happened so fast! We have waited almost 3 years to be called parents and in a blink of an eye our world was turned upside down (in a good way!). I now have the joy of hearing a little voice say "mommy!" every 5 seconds and I get to wipe away tears and give hugs, and have temper tantrums in the middle of Target. I'm a Mom! Let the annoying photos of my kids lives commence!
|Boy bathroom is taking shape! Pretty sure we are just buying everything with Ninja Turtles on it at this point.|
|New clothes because I can't help myself and I have a slight shopping |
|As a new dad, Ian had to pick out his first outfit (with my supervision of course!)|
|Pretty sure my kid is going to be the next Picasso :) Bath tub art!|