Sunday, May 31, 2015

Coke Bottle Signs and Target Tantrums

So, originally I was going to come on here and write an article about how hard it is to wait for your child.  Pregnancy is different, you have sex, get pregnant, and you know in 40-ish weeks your baby is going to come and you can count down and prepare.  Now, I know it's not always that easy (trust me, we have experienced our share of fertility issues and I pray for those who have lost their babies), but in a nutshell, that's it.  Foster-to-Adopt is COMPLETELY different!  You fill out mountains of paperwork, get interviewed and have to tell your life story (sometimes twice), take hours of training, CPR, First Aid and Blood-borne Pathogens classes, wait for approval (sometimes twice), get approved, and wait more! We have been going through the adoption process for a year and a half, but we have only been going through the Foster-to Adopt process for 7 months.  We got lucky and trust me, I was pushy.

I know the hurt of fertility issues because I am going through them right now.  I have gone to doctors appointments, ultrasounds, started medications, and started using a tracking method all trying to help my husband and I get pregnant with no lucky yet (YET!).  I know that hurt of looking at a negative pregnancy test month after month and I know the pain of watching other parents with their kids throwing a fit in the middle of Target and just praying that God would give me the opportunity to experience it because I just know that I can be a good mother.  It hurts, it hurts even writing about it.  Then getting on Facebook and seeing article after article of people abusing their children or abandoning their infant in a dumpster and not understanding why they got picked to be that child's parent.  It just doesn't make sense.  I still don't understand why there are so many people out there who take advantage of the "parent" job just to be a shitty parent, when there are SO many people out there just longing to love a child.  It's truly heartbreaking.  Humans can be so incredibly cruel.  

But I can tell you that there is light at the end of that dark tunnel...  or maybe a silver lining? Either way, there is light!

Three weekends ago, I was doing weekly ultrasounds to make sure I was ovulating and it was time to do the deed!  I was so close to ovulation that we were told to get it on every day and even twice a day! Hahaha!! Trust me, I died of embarrassment.  Well, time comes and nothing.  There was just too much stress too much pressure and it just wasn't happening for us.  It was a VERY emotional weekend for my husband and I both.  We got the job done once that whole weekend.  Now, normally that would be fine because it only takes one shot, but my husband is diabetic and there are a lot of things that can affect our chances of getting pregnant because of his diabetes.  If his diet or meds are off then that goes against us.  We just happen to be having his 30th birthday party that weekend so his diet was poor AND in the midst of the party and all the people at our house, he forgot to take his meds.  Double Whammy!  So needless to say, we did NOT get the job done that weekend.  We were both heartbroken, yet still had hope, and I truly believe God showed us a sign that it was going to happen soon!

Ian and I went to Coney Island for dinner one night.  Before he went in I asked him to get me a bottle of Coke (they sell Coke in the glass bottles and I love getting them when we go).  He came back out very excited to tell me, "I asked the guy for a Coke and he reached in the fridge and randomly pulled out this!"  So ya know those Coke bottles with everyone's name on it? Yea, well this one said it, in big white letters, just for me, M-O-M,  Mom!  I was so shocked I started laughing and told Ian, "I asked God to give me sign!"  I guess I got it!  That weekend we were supposed to do a pregnancy test and I ended up starting my period.  Once again heartbroken, and starting to believe that Coke bottle message was just a coincidence, we went on knowing we would be able to try again soon.

5 days later, I got the call...

A social worker was calling because she had 2 boys that needed to be placed immediately.  She gave us their information over voice mail and asked us to call her back if we were possibly interested.  I immediately called Ian to listen to the voice mail and call her back.  So, he did and got back to me with even more of their information.  We talked about it and decided that we wanted to go forward with taking these children.  We had the option to just take the youngest boy, but we just didn't have the heart to split up brothers.  So the very next day at 12:30 in the afternoon our first angel was brought to us!  We are beyond thrilled to have him with us and he warmed up so fast!  We will be getting our other little angel this week!  We have met him and are so excited to be their parents.  We do still have some legal hurdles to go through, but if all goes in our favor our little boys will legally be ours by the end of the year!  We also were able to meet the boys very first foster mother and she is an incredible woman!  We are so excited to have her be apart of our family and want to keep her in our babies lives.  She did such an amazing job preparing our Littles.  We are so blessed!

This weekend has been so crazy that I have been forgetting what day it is, that I have a job, and that I have responsibilities because I am just trying to settling into this new role and life!  We are Mommy and Daddy now, and it's just so hard to believe that it all happened so fast!  We have waited almost 3 years to be called parents and in a blink of an eye our world was turned upside down (in a good way!).  I now have the joy of hearing a little voice say "mommy!" every 5 seconds and I get to wipe away tears and give hugs, and have temper tantrums in the middle of Target.  I'm a Mom! Let the annoying photos of my kids lives commence!

Boy bathroom is taking shape!  Pretty sure we are just buying everything with Ninja Turtles on it at this point.

New clothes because I can't help myself and I have a slight shopping problem addiction ... I like to shop!

As a new dad, Ian had to pick out his first outfit (with my supervision of course!)

Pretty sure my kid is going to be the next Picasso :) Bath tub art!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

A Different Kind of Miracle

So I went to the doctor the other week and she was talking to me about adoption.  She said, "Adoption is the longest pregnancy ever!" and I didn't think about it before, but it really is!  We have been "paper pregnant" for 13 months and we still do not know who we are meeting.  That really is not a lot of time compare to my doctor.  Her and her husband adopted 2 children from Congo.  The adoption is final and completed, but they have not been able to bring them home and have been trying to get them home for 2 years.  Now that's an even longer pregnancy.  Now that we have an approved home study I feel like we just got a positive pregnancy test and we haven't yet been to the doctor to see if we are having a boy or girl.  I know that sounds silly, but it's kind of where we are in the process.

We just got our official approval e-mail today and now we are on the hunt for our angels.  The way this is working is now that we are approved, we get an e-mail for all the new children going through the system.  After reading their information, if we are interested in the child/children we can inquire.  If not, we just keep waiting.  This is a hard thing for me.  I have to read through what these children have been through and it's heartbreaking.  I wish I could just have them all and hold them all close to me and keep them all safe.  It's hard, but I know God is taking care of those children and I know their foster families are taking great care of them until they find their forever homes.  I also know God is preparing a child/children for us.  We just have to be patient, just as if we were pregnant waiting out 9 months.  We will meet our angels soon :)

It's funny because I get all the same emotions as if I were pregnant.  I know what it feels like to have my heart overflowing with joy and love.  I know what the anticipation of waiting for a child to arrive is like.  I know the excitement of planning a room theme, picking out paint colors, and planning a Baby Welcome Home shower.  It's exciting and scary all at the same time.  You're excited to be parents, but at the same time completely terrified because before you only had yourself and spouse to worry about, but now your going to hold a little life in your hands.  If you mess this kid up, you're responsible! Lol!  You just want to be the best parent you can be for this child.  You just want to love them and hold them and hug them and spoil them with love.  I know all those feelings.  I'm just missing the belly, but ya know, I'm ok with that because I get to be so much more to them.  I'm more than just a belly.

I truly believe the human body is incredible and the things it can do are just amazing.  Birthing a child is an incredible experience and without it I would not be looking for my children right now, but it's not part of my story right now.  Maybe someday, but not today.  My miracle is down a different path. It's a more beautiful path than I could have ever planned for myself.  I am blessed.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

We have been...

February 24th was the day our home study was supposed to be presented to the SNAP board.  Our home study specialist was going to be presenting over the phone.  For anyone who doesn't know, the home study is a HUGE part of adopting and can be a very long process.

We were actually pretty lucky, ours was relatively short (when adopting every single day that passes seems like a lifetime).  Our specialist had our home study completed in December after we started to process at the end of October.  So she moved pretty quickly with us and it was much appreciated!  December quickly passed and so did January with no word on where our home study was or if we had a presentation date.  So after some emailing and talking to a couple different people I finally figured out that there was a delay in our home study.  Our specialist sent it in, but something happened with the email and they weren't able to open the link.  Anyway, long story short we finally got our presentation day, February 24th!  Our specialist presented and we have been....  APPROVED!!!

We are free too inquire about children in foster care and move forward with an adoption!  We are so excited and cannot wait to be parents.  We have been waiting for just over a year now to be to this point and we are so excited that it is finally coming together.  It was actually a year ago on Valentine's Day that Ian and I announced to our families that we were going to be adopting.  Then one year and 10 days later our home study was approved.  It truly is a blessing and we are trusting that God is putting us right where he needs us to be.  I know I do not post about my Faith and beliefs a lot, but I am a spiritual person and I do believe in blessings from God and that everything happens for a reason.  I mean, my entire relationship with my husband was an act of God from the very beginning (that's a fun story I'll get into another time)!  This has truly been as great week for Ian and I though and we are just so thrilled to be one step closer to becoming parents.

 This is a photo that I shared on our adoption page.  The color we have chosen for our baby room is this turquoise-y teal color! Haha! That's the technical name :)  We do not yet know who is going to be occupying this space yet, we do know what theme we are going to be doing and it is very gender neutral.  Once we know who or angel(s) is/are we will add more personal touches to it, but this is definitely going to be a room inspired by daddy!  More photos coming soon!